I know I promised to write about my Mom's passing but to be honest, I don't know if it's something I can do. The final days I had with my Mom were so hard but so amazing to be able to watch her overcome her final trial. I miss her so much. sometimes I feel like I'm already forgetting what she looks like and that scares me. I've been trying so hard to keep it together for the sake of Dad and my sisters. I think I've only broke down once. I know it isn't the healthiest thing to do but really I'm doing OK. Yesterday and today have been hard because I haven't felt very well and every once in a while I think to myself that maybe I am depressed on the inside. But I just shut that door and move on. What else can I do? I'm so busy with the boys and ride Idaho, and Dad, and everything else that, I don't have time to take for me. Does that sound awful "Sorry Mom I don't have time to grieve over you because I'm too busy" I haven't even be able to bring myself to writing in my journal. I know it needs to be done so I will try sooner then later. But this week I have to get the courage and bring out all of Moms pictures and personal things and put them all into a scrap book.That isn't going to be easy. But for tonight I'm going to take a shower, get all dressed up and go out to dinner with my bestest friend in the whole wide world. We're going to eat lots of steak fries and drink lots of Dr. Pepper and maybe even some ice cream.

Gotta love boys
~Carey :D

Well As most of you know I've had a rough few weeks. I don't even know how to begin writing what I feel in my heart right now. over the last weeks I have felt emotions that I've never felt before. I can't remember if I talked about my trip to St. George on here but the plan was I would go to SLC to attend a friends wedding then We would head on down to St. George to spend 2 weeks with Grandma. Chad flew back to Nampa because he had a couple of work shifts to work during the 2 weeks. Then he was going to fly back down to St G. and we would all attend a Family reunion on our way home. Well Chad flew home on Monday evening. I got a call about 1:30 Wednesday morning to tell me that Mom had had a stroke. Mom hadn't had a stroke before amongst all of her siezure episodes so this time something felt different. All day Wed I stayed by the phone talking with Dad about the condition and we all came to the conclusion that the stroke did a number on Mom's brain she could no longer swallow on her own. We got Hospice back involved and with her medical opinion and talking to lots of family Dad made the heart wrenching decision to not put in a feeding tube. Dad kept telling me I didn't need to come home and change our plans and that Mom would just run the course and be finished with her trial. Well I just couldn't rest easy knowing this would be the end for Mom and I was 800 miles away. Chad offered to drive down and pick us up but that didn't make much sense so on Thursday morning we spent some time with Grandma then we loaded the car and the 5 of us headed out. I wasn't sure how the 4 boys would do. I also was concerned how long our already 12 hour drive would take because of extra stops to nurse Mr. Cooper. We left at 2pm and drove to Payson (about 3 1/2 hours) and we stopped and had dinner with Chads sister Laura. After an hours break we continued on to Kaysville where we stayed the night at Amy's she was out of town but left a key for me.
I woke up the next morning at 5:30 after not getting any sleep. We got on the road about 6:30 and for some reason it seemed like it took forever to get moving. we had to stop at walmart and get some breakfast and ended up there nearly 45 min trying to gets kids situated in the car. We had some extra stops here and there but all in all the boys did REALLY well. the drive from Kaysville is normally about 4 1/2 hours and it took us 7 yikes! but we made it home where we were welcomed with big hugs from Daddy. We had some lunch, showered changed our clothes unloaded the car etc...I wasn't sure if I wanted continue on to Weiser (another hours drive) I felt like I had already asked too much of the boys. However after reading a heartfelt blog post from Dad we got in the car and headed out to see Mom in her final days. .......I will talk about that expiriance in another post.

Lately

So, Lately I've been having some random thoughts and I kept thinking I should share them on here. While in a perfect world I would have done that, my world is far from perfect and at times it's crazy and disorganized, the thoughts did not make it onto the blog. The other weekend I had something to say but it was out of anger and if I were to actually say what I wanted too I probably would have made some enemies. So I kind of stayed off of the computer (notice I didn't post much on face book either?). In the next coming days I'm going to be super busy. I'm leaving on the 15th and pretty much wont be home until mid Aug and then I will still be in and out clear until Sept. But I'm hoping to be able to take my computer to St. George and I should have a little bit of time for myself since Grandma will be keeping the boys occupied. Maybe I will be able to share some of the summers highlights so far (it's been a great summer)
Here is hoping I survive the rest of it.

I guess Cole was tired

Look at these!

I grew these! Aren't they pretty?

I made cupcakes :-)

Adventures at the Park

Cole got beat up by a Girl today lol.....He was standing up by the blanket kind of dancing around while eating His lunch then a down syndrome Girl got up from the picnic table and came RUNNING over I'm not sure if she was trying to give Him a hug (because Her arms were open) or just wanting to play. but She ran right over Cole and knocked him down flat lol....the Girl's worker Lady came running and helped Cole up because I had Cooper in my lap. Then She saw that He had a mouth full of string cheese as He is now crying. So then the worker Lady got all panicked and worried. She hurried and gathered their things and asked once again if he was ok and I told Her Cole was just fine and that he has 2 older brothers that do the same thing every day. She was still pretty shook up that the Girl had done that...I don't think I've ever seen someone leave the park so fast lol...

Remember the List?

Well, I'm bringing it back! I seem to do better when I have a list written down and post publicly because then I feel like I have to be held accountable and see how long it takes me to get it done (1 hour or 1 week lol) So here it goes.

1. 3 loads laundry
2. Dishes
3. Clean master bath toilet
4. Make June birthday day cards
5. Cut all pending vinyl orders

Lets just start with that since the vinyl orders will take some time. Wish me luck because yesterday I had no motivation to do anything.

Looky What I got.....

My new diaper and matching wet/dry bag.......so much fun.